The Department of Homeland Security, or DHS, announced on February 12 that police and other officials should begin to pay attention to pregnant women in case female terrorists use prosthetic devices to hide bombs. Does this mean that TSA employees at airports, some of whom are already under-trained yet full of self-importance, will be conducting OB-GYN exams?
I’m not saying that the above is impossible, but what exactly can police or the FBI start doing about it in a free and open society? Do we X-ray pregnant women, exposing unborn children to potentially harmful radiation? Do we pat them down? Make them expose themselves?
The DHS admitted there was no imminent threat to the United States, so why alarm the public or issue warnings that can’t be acted upon in any reasonable fashion?
TSA Employee: “How many to declare ma’am?”
Pregnant Woman: “How many what?”
TSA: “Children. Buns in the oven.”
Woman: “Twins, not that it’s any of your business.”
TSA: “Sex?”
Woman: “Yes, they were conceived the usual way.”
TSA: “Sex of the children, ma’am.”
Woman: “I don’t know.”
TSA: “Have the twins ever checked out any library books on incendiary devices?”
Woman: “Are you a moron?”
TSA: “I don’t make up the questionnaire, ma’am. I just ask the questions.”
Woman: “Our government dollars in action.”
TSA: “Amniotic fluid?”
Woman: “What about it?”
TSA: “You’re only allowed sixteen ounces.”
Woman: “Is this one of those shampoo things?”
TSA: “Yes, ma’am, and you’ll have to wear this fetal monitor during the flight.”
Woman: “Why?”
TSA: “Because of FISA. The government has the right to listen to all communication between unborns.”
Beware, fat men. You could be next.
(Picture realeased into public domain by its author)
I’m not saying that the above is impossible, but what exactly can police or the FBI start doing about it in a free and open society? Do we X-ray pregnant women, exposing unborn children to potentially harmful radiation? Do we pat them down? Make them expose themselves?
The DHS admitted there was no imminent threat to the United States, so why alarm the public or issue warnings that can’t be acted upon in any reasonable fashion?
TSA Employee: “How many to declare ma’am?”
Pregnant Woman: “How many what?”
TSA: “Children. Buns in the oven.”
Woman: “Twins, not that it’s any of your business.”
TSA: “Sex?”
Woman: “Yes, they were conceived the usual way.”
TSA: “Sex of the children, ma’am.”
Woman: “I don’t know.”
TSA: “Have the twins ever checked out any library books on incendiary devices?”
Woman: “Are you a moron?”
TSA: “I don’t make up the questionnaire, ma’am. I just ask the questions.”
Woman: “Our government dollars in action.”
TSA: “Amniotic fluid?”
Woman: “What about it?”
TSA: “You’re only allowed sixteen ounces.”
Woman: “Is this one of those shampoo things?”
TSA: “Yes, ma’am, and you’ll have to wear this fetal monitor during the flight.”
Woman: “Why?”
TSA: “Because of FISA. The government has the right to listen to all communication between unborns.”
Beware, fat men. You could be next.
(Picture realeased into public domain by its author)
9 comments:
Sadly very comical...
I was thinking "beer bellies" when I started this, and sure enough, you alluded to the pregnant men out there...
The belly button must be required to be exposed in all cases of pregnant women wanting to board a flight...
If there is no hidden screw in it, they are good to fly...
Scott, it's a sad commentary about life, isn't it. It's not that I don't think it's beyond the realm of possibility, but how about getting the Taliban or bin Laden first?
OK, as there is now a nudist (German) plane regularly flying over our lands (passengers only, thank god), I suggest that all pregnant women are diverted there. Problem solved.
Thanks for linking, I'll return the favour. I like your blog.
:-)
Monique, yes I heard of that flight! LOL> I think that's the topic of my next post on this blog. Thanks for reminding me of this :)
So funny:-) Now what questions would they ask fat men?:-)
And a nudist flight???. Good grief!
They would ask fat guys to show their beer bellies :)
Ah that's funny and scary about the same time. I thought that pregnant woman were not allowed to fly anyway so that just leaves the beer bellies than.
Marja, yeah it's scary, but I have to chuckle at the Dept. of Homeland Security. I still don't understand their color-coded warning system, and I don't know what purpose it serves, but that's bureaucracy for ya. :)
anna-lys, the scare was about anthrax. Thank goodness that has not come back to haunt us. We live in strange times.
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